ydae was a not bad day... went ikea w shawn... seriously, that guy noes NUTS abt stuff there... oh well.. he's a guy... haha... zhihui joined us after that.... n they had a common topic: cai zhiqin... hahaz.... poor guy man... e butt of all jokes.... went queens after eating.... qt hard to walk ard la... coz v weird wad... 3 pple.... took a super long bus ride via 197 to siglap..... WHO was e one who suggest huh?? haha... me n zhi went haagen daz while tt shawn went back taonan... he sorta kena confined+scolded there thus he couldnt join us... e 2 of us were like, super bloated... almost died eating.....

*

it surprises me how u would take e risk again... i dunno to say u're dumb or brave... alittle of both... n u just cant be able to see it as it is.... some things r real plain and simple...
somethings u shock me w the things u r able to go thru & sometimes i shock myself at the things i say....
and sometimes i just alarm myself w the things i would like to say but cant & wont...

suddenly i just seem to keep even more things to mself than before.... and there are just so damn many things thats occupying my thots... maybe one day i may just stop saying anything at all...

u dunno how hard it is for me... or perhaps u just have an inkling how.... coz i've always been e one who's listening, dammit.

im not complaining, neither do i want to stop being your listener.... coz i know u need someone there.... but its just that e more i hear e more i feel ur hurt & helplessness.
most importantly, i dont think u deserve all these.

*

its been so long, ya?? i miss it.... sorely... esp when i start to experience it again....
somehow, i know that there're parts i dunno... and i feel that there are those that u dont too... and u know it... u just dont say it, dont even show it... and its e same for me.

maybe one day, i'll know those parts.... and u'll realize those that u dont.... but it'll either take a very long time or it'll never come... bcause its just been so long and many things r real hard to say.... alot of un-self-conciousness of the past is gone, at least on my part.

e older i get, i keep more feelings to myself, and the less i share it with others... somehow i hope say it, but i dont want to.... this is so confusing huh?? there's so much i wan to know, but e thing is, i dont even noe whats there to know....

i dont even know when i swore that no one would even see a tear fr my eye... tear due to my own feelings and not due to sad movies, touching stories... there's so much things collected in me that i can juz cry without knowing why.

is it e same for u? i dont know. mebbe even u urself dont.
sometimes i thot we had lost it.... but there are times that do show that we havent... mebbe it had just... kinda evolved...

*

time does weird things to pple huh??

ur e only person who has ever made me so hurt & fucking pissed i wan to cry & hurl unimaginably crude vulgarities at u.
but, ur also one of those i know i'll do anything just to keep u there.

given, ur one of the few that has ever seen me angry... i just cant show u that i am, coz i know things will change once it happens....
does it sound fake & shallow?? but i know we are anything but.

in a way, i dont dare show my anger... coz i love u so. but ever since then that u made me so f***ing pissed i've closed down this part of me to u. i dunno if u realise it.
i guess u do, at least a little. but i dont think u know the reason/u've got e wrong idea why.

u're stil one of those pple i'm truly thankful for... and u noe wad, even though there's already a part of me that'll never be open to u again, that's just one of the many parts that wont be open to anybody, at least none for now.

*

ahhhh i hate sch.... sch sucks, projects sucks and i foresee i'll be dead meat at week5...

if anyone thats reading e above
1) dont understand
2) cant see clearly
3) would like to know who i'm referring to
4) wants to ask me abt it
then
1) its ok, coz its not meant for others to be understood
2) thats e pt, dont bother to read
3) kill ur curiosity, e qns will be carried to ur grave & e ans will e carried to mine
4) forget it.

once again, SCHOOL SUCKS.